Monday, June 30, 2008

I thought….

The amount of satisfaction, happiness, growth as a person and maturity are more and better in case of following my own dream then going for conventional, standard, practical way.

This practical way always works but I don’t get that kick. When I am living my dreams I feel the sense of living. There is a fear, there is a doubt, and there is a motivation, attempt, failure, endeavor, and a victory. Isn’t it fun? Everything I will get will be pure 100%. If my dreams are disaster I don’t have any one to blame at least. I am responsible for my own failure. If nothing works, I am a refined person. I am rhythmic now.
When I am dying I have the hard earned lessons to give it to the young ones.

And absolutely never understood this freaking being practical ….
By chance its working I am fine (still not so mature though) but if not…I will get the superficial happiness (In others word). I will cheat my own self and others too. Everything is fake. I myself don’t know who I am and what I want.
My self respect is at stake, where I believe the others then my own gut.I just jump in the well as others did; I keep myself from exploring new oceans.In case if I realize I am not happy, I die with the regret…at least I could have listened to myself.

Close up:
"The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.” - Chuck Palahniuk

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

upshots of the urban life.

Today it was a 'Vat Savithri'. All the married ladies in Gujrat do this 'Vrata' by worshiping the Banyan tree, by rotating the thread around the stem. As per hindu(North indian) mythology sati Savitri had revived her dead husband Sathyakam below this tree. It signified long life for their husband.

It took around one hour in the morning to search for the Banyan tree. And it was on the main road with a house right opposite to it. My mother took out all the Pooja stuff as we stopped by the tree near that house.
And a fellow appeared from that house who saw my mother starting the Pooja. He looked about in his fifties. Rudely he asked me, "what are we doing there?" With my introduction I recited him the concept and the reason. He was reluctant to any of the explation I provided, Just by saying that it's not a Banyan tree and we should get out of that place. I was getting angry at him for refusing the fact that it was a Banyan tree. My mother was still engaged in taking the pooja ahead quickly. I was extending the arguments for some time so that my mother can finish her worshiping. Now another chap came out of that house, he was in his thirties. He was angry young man...who just did not listen to me at all. He just yelled at us furiously. My mother was scared and I was angry at them for not even trying to understand me. I just wanted them to allow the Pooja peacefully for my mother's satisfaction.

My mother asked me to leave that debate since she was done with her Pooja hastily. As we left that spot my mother turned back and to her shock that young man threw all the material she had kept. He tore the thread my mother had rotated around, for my father's long life. He kicked out the lamp we had offered there. She was terribly upset and perturbed. She cursed that man for disrespecting the God and her devotions. I asked her that we did our best and we can't do anything about what you saw. Anyway we did Pooja properly... Don't worry and forget that unpleasing sight.

On the way to office I was getting the sense of what a big city and the urban life can do to a originaly compassionate human nature. I was not blaming them but just thinking over their fear of sorcery against them. Had I been in their place, would I have done the same? How sympathizing and co-operative people are in small village? Where are we going? We are loosing out the basic prerequisites of being a part of same society. Well, God (If you are there) forgive them because its not them....Atleast those people would have tried to understand me or to try to believe me that I dont look like or talk like a harmful person....

In my absense, later my mother went to Banshakri temple with my neighbour aunty and did her Pooja all over again.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Maxican magician.

I read Anthropologist who influenced me with his tales of meetings with Mexican sorcerers.

-Intention is the important thing.Intention is transparent.
-Nothing is easy.
-Irritation is unnecessary.
-The end is an ally.
-The present is unique.
-It is always the last battle.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Black and White...

A month ago I happen to meet a person...he said he is 'Open minded' but still depends on about what it is...I was thinking "Then you are not open minded, or you are just confused. Or may be selfish or hypocrite"
Few things are just black and can not be little pregnant, you can not be little passionate or fall in love little bit.